Sunday, August 23, 2009

Transcript from a Session between Lenore Beadsman and Dr. Jay

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JAY: So you'd say that you're feeling anxious about your upcoming dinner with Rex?
LENORE: God damn it.
JAY: Perhaps even angry?
LENORE: My anger is directed toward your tendency to repeat exactly what I just said a moment ago with the same quasi-reflective intonation as you furrow your brow and stare at a point just above my head.
JAY: Ah yes, the point, the quasi-reflective tone...
LENORE: I'm leaving.
JAY: Wait!
LENORE: Will you stop?
JAY: Yes. My apologies. It's a bad habit - the first thing they teach you in school.
LENORE: Well it's stupid.
JAY: I agree. Now, let's talk about your overwhelming hostility.
LENORE: Fine.
JAY: When was the last time you made love?
LENORE: How is that relevant?
JAY: It's been that long, huh?
LENORE: What do you mean?
JAY: It's been so long that you don't even recognize that the question is perhaps one of the more psychologically relevant questions anyone could ever ask - along the same lines as "When was the last time you thought about murdering your father and marrying your mother?" or "What goes on four legs in the morning, on two legs at noon, and on three legs in the evening?" -
LENORE: What?
JAY: A man.
LENORE: I don't -
JAY: You need a man.
LENORE: I have Rick.
JAY: Excuse my saying so, but there are many ways in which Rick is not a man.
LENORE: What do you mean?
JAY: Although he may be strangely adorable, Rick -ironically-named- Vigorous could never act on his own oedipal fantasies even if he happened across his true father on the road to Thebes and killed him, because when he finally ascended the throne and took his place beside his unwitting mother he wouldn't be able to-
LENORE: What is with you today? I have no idea what you're saying.
JAY: Rick God-why-is-this-happening-to-me-when-I-love-Lenore-so-much- Vigorous cannot maintain an erection: he cannot get it up. He makes a poor woodsman -
LENORE: That's enough. I get it.
JAY: Good. So when was the last time you got it?
LENORE: Gross. And... well... it's been... four years?
JAY: Christ, lady.
LENORE: What? What's so bad about that? I just haven't met the right -
JAY: Look, I wouldn't normally suggest this, but it is within my capacity as your psychiatrist to have sex with you right now in order to remedy the situation.
LENORE: Oh my god...
JAY: This is your breakthrough, Lenore.
LENORE: Please put those back on.
JAY: I will replace my elegant trousers on one condition -
LENORE: Anything!
JAY: That you own up to feeling anxious about your upcoming dinner with Rex!
LENORE: What the hell is wrong with you, Jay?!
JAY: Perhaps even angry!
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