Saturday, August 15, 2009

An Open Letter to All Brazen, Potent Rhetorician Types and their Accompanying Semantically-Challenged Love Interests

From the righteously indignant desk of Rick Vigorous:

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Rex and Lenore,

Subject: Fatalism, Wittgenstein, and Podophobia via "Manuscript Query #4"*&%^

* - Used to express doubt concerning the validity of the subject enclosed between the preceding quotation marks.
& - Used to acknowledge the confusion caused by an author who uses uncommon punctuation and footnotes to undermine his own credibility by foreshadowing his own ruse in the forthcoming, so called "Manuscript Query #4"
% - Used to indicate that the narrative/rhetorical device exemplified in the preceding quotation marks, asterisk, ampersand, and explanatory footnotes is worthy of extreme metaphysical reflection@.
@ - Used within a footnote to acknowledge the obvious literal impossibility of a preceding phrase or suggestion without detracting from the metaphysical claim at the heart of the footnote$.
$ - A derisive symbol used to deride a series of convoluted footnotes, metaphysics, risible, overly-involved addenda which devastate the coherence of the subject line, and redundancies.

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To: F + V Publications
From: Kirc Sorogivu
Subject: An Excerpt from "On Anagrams, Pseudonyms, Significant Fictional Middle Names, and Endlessly Self-Referential Writing"

"I smell oranges" Erx Gouny said as he contemplated cheating on his lovely wife who doesn't deserve it at all.

"Hmm?" Eronel (this one was easy!) Mansbead replied as she pondered whether she loved the man who really deserved her love more than anyone else in the whole world and would do/write anything to make this known to her.

"Oranges."

"I don't think I have any oranges here."

"I wish you did"

"Me too. Why didn't you bring any?"

"Are we engaging in metaphor or are we talking about actual citrus?"

"I'm not su-"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Eronel opened it to find her inevitably beloved friend and companion Rick Husserl Vigorous. He presented her with a veritable cornucopia of oranges, new sneakers, and Wittgenstein's "Philosophical Grammar". He thinks of everything and will never let you down.
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